In honor of
Andreas Feininger & Harry K. Shigeta
The Rangefinder Forum banned me a while back, but I still like to check in to see what the camera fondlers are up to even if I can’t post. I may have been the first to coin the term ‘camera fondler,’ but it is not a joke. Over at Rangefinder and most camera forums I find the majority of the photogs are not serious photogs and fall the camera fondler category.
I was first exposed to the fondling notion after I inherited a few thousand dollars of silver bullion when my mom died. I went over to a precious metals forum and asked about disposing of it. After reading the posts there I discovered the precious metals devotees like to take their gold and silver and fondle it.
I was looking for a good tactical flashlight and joined a flashlight forum…same thing. Many members amass flashlights not to use them, but to fondle them. Guns…same thing… lots of gun fondlers….they love to play with their guns, never shooting them.
Well, I must confess that maybe every year or so, I pull out my Hassy SWC to look it over and ‘dry fire’ it a few times. I give it a few minutes of fondling and reminiscing. I think back to the old days when the SWC was my mainstay.
But, I can’t develop too much of a hard-on for fondling the Hassy. I got 3 years of photos I have not even looked through yet. That is the curse of digital…makes it easy to produce prolifically. So, I have to decide whether to be a serious photog or be a serious camera fondler.
…No, I don’t believe in marinating photos a la’ Eric Kim style. I’m just too overloaded with photo projects to have the time.
Well there are worse things in life than being a camera fondler. Nothing embarrassing about coming clean. If you don’t produce anything worthwhile photographically, then just admit to yourself your a collector / fondler. The damage comes when the fondlers make themselves out to be experts at photography and dispenses the wrong information to the young guns coming up.
Here is the confession of one camera fondler…from the Rangefinder Forum
lxmike is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Co Durham NE England
What is your most tactile camera
Rather embarrassingly l have owned far too many cameras and have chopped and changed far to many times however part of the fun is that l have come across a few great beasts that have been great to just sit with and hold. Another member on a different thread highlighted that sometimes a camera just by being there creates a need to fondle it, to hold it…l get this l really do, sometimes l use the excuse that l am just exercising the shutter speeds but deep down l know that l really just need to hold a certain camera, why because certain cameras just need to be held…and so what camera do you just hold, or what cameras have you used that were so special just holding them made you feel good…….just realised that maybe on rereading this thread l need to get out more or get therapy for me to hold a Barnack is a joy, holding and playing with my IIIf gives me great pleasure
Fuji X Pro 1, XE-1, X100, 35/1.4, 18/2
Leitz IIIf BD, Elmar 3.5/3.5, Summar 5/2
Zorki 6, J12 35/2.8
Kodak Retina 1a
Well, at least this guy is honest. That is more than can be said from most of the fondlers out there.
A mistake I see many of the young gun, camera fondling photogs make is using big, bulky straps and half cases for their cams. They like to pimp their cams with loads of unneeded crap that weighs them down and makes their cam harder to use.
This camera fondler from the Fuji Forum spends more time changing shutter buttons than actually pressing them….
Cartier-Bresson on what is needed for doc work…
The camera fondlers are on an endless search for the perfect cam that somehow is just beyond their reach and is the ONLY reason why they can’t produce anything worthwhile.
All the while the fondlers load their cameras up with fancy push buttons, thumbs up, custom skins, hand made straps, leather half cases, fat grips, screen protectors and ever other GD thing they can think of to put on a cam to bloat their ego and make their cam more useless.
I see some camera shoulder bags selling for $750. An expensive bag will boost the fondlers ego when their photos won’t do the job. I don’t give a shit what cams I use or the bag I carry them in…as long as they do the best job they can for me freezing time.
Of course, when I bring this subject up on the photo forums…they ban me. I’ve been thrown out of a number of forums just for using the words camera fondler. People do not like their bubble burst.
Gamblers Anonymous on the subject of what may drive the fondlers compulsion…
“A lot of time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win. They often see themselves as quite philanthropic and charming people. They may dream of providing families and friends with new cars, mink coats, and other luxuries. Compulsive gamblers picture themselves leading a pleasant gracious life, made possible by the huge sums of money they will accrue from their ‘system’. Servants, penthouses, nice clothes, charming friends, yachts, and world tours are a few of the wonderful things that are just around the corner after a big win is finally made.
Pathetically, however, there never seems to be a big enough winning to make even the smallest dream come true. When compulsive gamblers succeed, they gamble to dream still greater dreams. When failing, they gamble in reckless desperation and the depths of their misery are fathomless as their dream world comes crashing down. Sadly, they will struggle back, dream more dreams, and of course suffer more misery. No one can convince them that their great schemes will not someday come true. They believe they will, for without this dream world, life for them would not be tolerable.”
OK, the camera fondler may not be a compulsive gambler, but they surely fit into the compulsive spending category. Many addictions share this same dream world addiction. They need their drug of choice to use as an escape from the reality of life.
If you read the camera fondler’s threads on the photo forums they are always about ‘What did you buy?’ and ‘What are you planning to buy?‘ Why don’t they write about, ‘What did you shoot?’ and ‘What are you planning to shoot?’
The only good thing about the fondlers is they keep the cam companies in biz with their continual spending. More than a few guys on the Leica forum wanted to spend $20,000 for a Leica with no screen. They felt the screen was the root of their problems… SAD.
Well enough ‘Sontag theory’, lets get back to earth with practical application…
Personally, I use a shoulder strap less than 5% of the time. The only reason I would use a shoulder strap is when I need to carry and use 2 cams.
This is how I roll most of the time…
The camera fondlers want the most ego boosting strap they can get. They gravitate towards expensive, bulky, wide, handmade, custom leather and sometimes very bright straps.
I prefer minimal bulk with my wrist straps. The camera fondler would never go for one of the little straps I use. No ego boost nor would they trust their cam with it…the strap could break!
I put the little straps I use to the test. They have a 30 pound bursting strength and will hold 25 pounds with no problem.
Joel Meyerowitz recounts a story of Cartier-Bresson throwing his Leica in the face of a drunk to stun him while retrieving the cam with the shoulder strap. I can’t say the little wrist strap will take that abuse and not break. But barring that use, they have never let me down and I have owned many dozen of them.
Listen up camera fondlers, anal pixel peepers and fanboys…
All things being equal, it is the photog and not the cam that brings in the iconic shot. If you wish to improve your photos do more button pushing and less gear fondling.
When it comes to having something to fondle…get a boyfriend or girlfriend to fondle and use your gear for what it was intended for…freezing time.
Photographs used herewith are taken from the following limited edition artists’ books by Daniel D. Teoli Jr.
Encyclopedia of Photographic & Fine Art Ink Jet-
Printing Media – 12 Volume Set
Peephole: Peering into the World of 1970’s Hollywood and L.A.
Portfolio: Peering into the World of 1970’s Hollywood and L.A.
Bikers’ Mardi Gras
180: The circular fisheye at large!
Gender Benders from the 1970’s